I spoke with Manette last night and read her the text Mikey sent to me. His text was letting me know that he had finally closed his deal! A 490 million dollar deal! Of course I responded with “That’s wonderful news Mikey, Congratulations!”

But, you know what?

Congratulations to me! What I really wanted to say was “Um, did you mean to send me this text?”

Congratulations to my awareness! The awareness that my thinking may once again be distorted and that I didn’t respond back “wrong person.”

Congratulations to Manette! My trusted and true friend. All those times she has seen my distorted thinking and gently guided me to see the lies my brain tells me. She assured me that his text was meant for me.

So guess what? I can’t believe a lot of things my brain tells me. My brain likes to make up stories.

Stories, yes elaborate stories.

Short Stories. Fiction.

Stories that someone I care about doesn’t like me. (Even if their behavior shows otherwise.)

Stories that they don’t find me… you can fill in the blank here.

Or, my brains favorite…

Stories that they are with that made up blonde having the time of their life. Usually having an afternoon tryst in a posh hotel.

Stories that exhaust me. They feel so real! My body believes my brain, and then my nervous system kicks in and I get into an altered state.

Yes , a State!

A state as big as Texas.

A state of depression!

A state of anxiety!

This distorted thinking is a bi-product of being raised in some serious disfunction! I never realized until recently how much fighting, screaming, sickness and divorce while I was growing up affected my thinking. It’s often been warped!

Warped, yes warped!

A warped sense of humor (my favorite)

Warped judgment

Warped relationships

Warped Thinking.

Over thinking

Stinking Thinking

Obsessive thinking!

Obsessive thoughts running wild

Obsessive compulsive disordrer

Obsessive love

Love I love love,

Love gives

Love has no expectations Love is just love

Love is free

Love lets people off the hook!

A right hook.

Hooked on you

What’s the hook

Hook up!

Hook em horns

Did I mention my Dad moved from California to Texas when I was 12. Yes, he lived in a different state.

Me, A state of confusion.

A state of sadness.

A state of denial.

A state of fear.

Fear

Cape Fear.

Fear that brings fight flight freeze and fawn, telling me to scram!

I’m learning to tell my distorted thinking to scram!

Yes, hey thought, scram get out of here

Scram as in leave immediately

Scram, you hear me?

I now ask is this true and hold my thoughts to the light.

Light bulb

Light my fire

Light switch turned on!

My lights appear in the form of my sister, my dogs, nature, my dear friends.

Every time I catch a thought it’s a VICTORY.

A victory to a new way of thinking

A victory to a new life

A victory to healthy relationships

Victory – an act of defeating an enemy or opponent in a battle.

Vic vic Vi victorious!

I am telling you. You are not alone. The next time you have a negative thought…

Hold it to the light.

Ask yourself, “Is this really true?”

Tell that thought to scram – get out of here!

Choose a new thought! A better thought!

Shine your light bright.

Bright student.

Bright light

Bright stars.

Star light star bright

So glad I caught my thought!

Caught, Catch, Got it!

And she is out of here!

Proud of myself.

Me myself and I

The End