Travel to the cavernous place of your soul dear friend. Free dive to resurface a new. Plunge into your heart. Explore. Root out the agony, the pain that has silently secreted venom in your spirit and life. It is time.

It’s time. Time to go. Time to live. The right time. The time to shine. Yes, time to shine. as in Sunshine. Rise and Shine Cori. You got the groove and you are ready. Ready to rock, ready to roll. ready to move ahead. Ready and raring to go.

Accept that your genius child that tapped dance in you all those years, swirling in your mind and soul, hiding not to be seeked is ready. Call her. Courageously place your pen to paper. Shine light on the dark. Say hello, thank you and good bye.

Children. Pawns in the storm of your rocky matrimonial mess. Strategically placed as tourniquets to control the severe wounds you received on the battleground of deceit, lies, passion and despair. Placed to stop the bleeding as they starve and gasp for air, for love.

Oh man, really? Can’t I just get to it already. Cut out all this fancy shmancy crap and get to the meat and potatoes. You know. Get to that one story, we all have, The one that took it out of you. Yes yep yeppers, the one where they took your innocence BS. Let’s get to it already… drum roll. The story of “The Drive way.”

All these years. I’ve wondered. I have felt stuck. Wondering what part of this is me. Why does it seem I have similar feelings different person. Why do I often feel stuck, can’t leave? Maybe I have found the key..

The shoes stuck in my sidewalk as my cotton lined pillows yawn. Chalk that sidewalk scribbled “I’m so sorry Sweetheart, I love you.” Valentines in flurry in my 11 year old soul as a snowcap mountain melted on the pillows of my heart. “

We stood on the drive way at the front of his car. His company car. It was parked in the spot that was designated his at the house. The parking spot you could see from Crissie’s bedroom window. So many times in the past I had eagerly peeked out her window to see if Dad was home yet. If his car was in that exact spot.

This time was different ok? Don’t make me repeat myself. You Got that. Get it? Got it? Good. Dad’s engine was on and the car idled in the driveway. Do I need to repeat myself? Loose lips sink ships and my ship was sure sinkin. k.

Mom and Crissie standing at the back of the car. Standing at attention. Mom standing tall. Stand up Man my Dad. That is not sarcasm. Did you know that sarcasm comes from the Greek word scarzo, which means to tear flesh? Tear and tear. Same spelling. Tear and tear. Went on a tear, tear in my heart. Aortic tear. There you go.

After Dad hugged Mom and Crissie, he slowly walked toward me. My insides churned. I could feel the tears pushing to come out. I wouldn’t let the tears escape. They were on lock down. My cheeks hurt and my stomach froze. I silently promised myself “I will not cry and I will never feel this way again… never ever never.

Dad was still in his suit and wing tip shoes. Shoo fly shoo. Baby needs some new shoes. Me – white van slip on shoes all the rage. Fly into a rage. Road rage. Full of rage. Mom: Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned , nor hell like a woman scorned.

Dad gently hugged me. My handsome Father. 6’3 and my guy. That’s when he whispered those words “I love you baby and I’m so sorry.” My arms were limp, hanging at my side, I couldn’t hug back but I mustered to say “I love you too.”

That goodbye was different. Not the type you hear but the type you feel. The one you know where things will forever be different. With that, Dad got in his car and slowly drove away.