“Mama needs to put you on a little diet Sweetheart, I see 5 extra pounds on you and you are so darn cute.” Mom said.

We were standing in the kitchen, Me, in front of the cupboard looking at all the goodies. Mom, to the right of me. I knew it was my right because my big birthmark is on my right shoulder. Mom says it’s Beautiful.

Mom is small, 5 feet tall. Her presence BIG. Her thick black hair was feathered back and her big fat moon face stood out. Her face wasn’t always puffy, but since she’s been on the steroids it’s super round. Like a big Moon with eyes, a nose and lips wearing pink lipstick.

Mom stood with one hand on her hip and the other gripping her albuterol inhaler. She was wearing the outfit she put on when she got home – which is the same one she wears when she is in bed during the day. A t-shirt that is ripped at the neck – Flashdance style- and red polyester shorts with a broken elastic band and bleach stains. Her teeny tiny skinney bird legs poked out of the shorts like two matching sticks that somehow held her up.

I was looking at all the goodies in the cupboard, and the Twinkies were calling my name. I was wearing my Chemin de Fer jeans and the shirt we were required to wear to school. It said “Christ Lutheran Lancers” in small writing by the pocket. My long dark hair was in a ponytail with a red ribbon. The kitchen was painted white with yellow accents. On my left (the side without the birthmark” there was a painting of a bowl of lemons and writing that said “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. the kitchen table because it was buried in Mom’s “paperwork.” Piles and piles of mail and bills. Along with the paperwork, was her calendar where she would write down how much weight she was going to lose that month. Her Nebulizer machine that helped her breathe was next to the dirty ashtray that was full of half smoked Marlboro red cigarettes. They all had pink lipstick at the top just like the can of Tab soda that had a permanent place on the table.

The kitchen smelled like cigarettes and pine sol.

I noticed Mom’s medicine on the floor.

We had been to Lucky’s grocery store the day before where we loaded up two carts with groceries. Seemed like a lot since it was just Mom, me and Crissie at the house. Some of the items that were now in our freezer, fridge and cupboards at home included: San Francisco mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiched, Strawberry ice cream, Rock Road ice cream for Mom, a pack of already made chocolate Sundaes that came with a mini wooden spoon. Big Sticks, Stouffer pizzas and Swanson TV dinners. The fridge held treasures too. Just to name a few: A gallon of Whole Milk and Chocolate milk. A six pack of Strawberry Crush soda,Pre made shrimp cocktails, Salami that came in the see through package (my favorite) Mom’s liverwurst that sat next to the bologna. Next to the baking soda was a small tub of Betty Crocker frosting. I would sneak bites out of the tub and my teeth would hurt but I didn’t care.

Now in the cupboard was the Wonder white bread, Frosted Flakes, Rice Crispies, Cup of noodles. Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Ho’s, Mother’s frosted animal cookies, Chip a Hoy’s and Cheese whiz.

I stood looking at the Twinkies, and said.

“Can’t I have just one Twinkie? Please?