You know, Dad was a great Dad. Even though I feel like I got cheated out of him as a kid. He was a wonderful man and Father.

I guess there are two types of cheating. The kind where you feel you missed out on something special – got the short end of the stick as they say, and the type where they take on another lover while in a relationship. I learned of both at an early age.

I got Dad’s presence for a short time as a kid. Some of my best memories were:

Going to the McDonalds on Barranca Avenue with him.. He’d always put two straws in his vanilla shake.

Him teaching me how to ride my bike in the parking lot at Christ Lutheran School.

Going to the movies with him. Which included Lassie: The New Beginning and Grease as two of my favorites.

Us going to amusement parks together and going on “The Rotor.” We would stick to the wall of the barrel and be pressed against the wall by the centrifugal force. I prided myself on never throwing up.

Playing “Get Away” with him where he would hold me down and time how long it would take me to escape.

His special name for me which was “Peanut nose.”

Being a passenger in his car when we would drive to Brackett airport and he’d take me flying in a Cessna he rented.

Having a funeral for Bam Bam my hamster that died. And then another funeral for Pebbles that died a week later.

I felt bad when I told him that I knew he was Santa, I didn’t want to pop his bubble.

But then he moved. When I was 11. I didn’t know how far Texas was from California.

Houston to Los Angeles is One thousand five hundred and forty six miles. 1,546.

I missed him.

He was a great Father, but I didn’t get him my entire childhood.

Yes, he took care of us financially and came to visit, but it was different.

I want to explain, defend. He had a big career , got a job transfer to Texas, him and Mom fought all the time, blah blah blah, but it doesn’t matter. None of this matters when you’re 12 years old. They are either there or they are not.

Damn it, refer to The Driveway story for more information.

I missed him. But like a cut that is so deep you don’t feel it.

I couldn’t feel.

Did you choose her over us?

No, but I didn’t understand that…

You married her when I was 13. 13. Thank you for inviting me to the wedding and all, but I didn’t want to see you get married and I had to decline.

I heard that when the pastor said “We now pronounce you Man and Wife” an involuntary wail came from one of the guests. It belonged to Crissie my sister, your daughter. In all the photos that day Criss looked lovely with her shiny thick brown hair, olive skin and beautiful face, but she had the saddest, reddest eyes you’ve ever seen and mascara smeared underneath them like a sad clown at the circus.

In my humble experience as a 13 year old, it’s hard to see your Dad get married to a woman other than your Mother. It doesn’t matter if your Mom is a Borderline riddled with severe anxiety. Whatever.

Your Dad is professing his love to another woman and it feels like SHIT with a capital S.

I mean maybe if your Mother was dead and you needed a new one, but this wasn’t the case.

And, it doesn’t matter if your Dad is marrying the most gracious woman ever, think Mother Theresa, it doesn’t matter.

Your Dad and his new wife sleep together, travel together and spend time with her daughter. I mean I understand her daughter needed a Father but I wanted to say “Bitch find your own, he’s mine.”

Furthermore, I felt an allegiance to my MOM that started in the womb.

Who cares if my Mom was locked in her bedroom, depressed , surrounded by dirty kleenexes, empty inhalers, an end table littered with bottles of pills, dirty cups, empty cans of Tab, and overflowing ashtrays. Who cares.

She’s my Mom. My one and only Mom. I didn’t need a Step Mom.

So, I had a wonderful Father. As an adult I understand. Your wife might have saved your life. You were happy. You were the best Father you could be considering the situation. But this is about me right now. Me and you.

I understand how hard it must have been for you. But still, you were in Texas with her and we were in California.

I missed you. My boyfriends didn’t get to meet my Dad. You couldn’t make it to my Football games when I cheered, Homecoming and Proms.

And I loved you so much.

I miss you.

You were such a good man.

Happy Father’s Day Dad.